Life begins at 40 or does it?

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Hello my lovelies,

Well it is finally here, the last day of my thirties, I will be 40 tomorrow, a Valentines baby, I came 2 days early as I was due on the 16th but I always have been inpatient! I'm not really sure where this post is going to go so forgive me for the ramble you are about to read.

I always thought I would be mortified to be 40, I remember my 30th birthday and 40 seemed so long away but it has crept up at an alarming rate, a lot of things have happened in the last 10 years, some of which were the worst times in my life. I lost my best friend Donna to cancer, my step dad was diagnosed with bowel cancer, he is fine now and came out of it the other side. Simon had a horrific accident at work, my youngest daughter Alicia almost died of a horrendous infection of the heart and of course I have been medically retired from nursing due to being diagnosed with a terminal illness. So the last 10 years have had some very difficult times, and some things I will never get over, life is funny isn't it? It sometimes deals us a really rubbish hand but one thing I have wondered especially over the last few years is, will I still be here when I'm 40 and thank God I am.

There's a saying "life begins at 40" I wonder if it really does? I suppose this is something I am yet to find out, I intend more than anything to be writing a post on the eve of my 100th birthday saying "see I told you all I'd still be here" because I have said to my family and friends and Youtube subscribers that I fully intend to be a grumpy cantankerous old woman on my mobility scooter with my long blonde locks flowing behind me, and my make up done and nails done, as you can tell, I don't intend to grow old gracefully.

I am hoping that my life really will begin at 40, I am having a lovely party on Friday night, so that's a good start I suppose. Lots of my family and friends will be there to celebrate and I am really looking forward to it, I have 110 definites who have rsvp'd to their invites so far so it should be a good night, all my favourite people in one room who have made the effort just for me, it feels very strange that all those people want to get dressed up and make the effort for little old me, some of my guests are coming from as far away as south Wales so it is very touching indeed.

I have no idea what the future holds, who does? But I fully intend to enjoy myself, love my children and Simon and my family more than anything and aim for the mobility scooter at 100 years of age. My mum always says "never wish your not an age" her best friend always said she didn't want to be 50 and the day before her 50th birthday she was killed in a tragic car accident, it was awful and something that has stuck with me, so although I'm none to keen on reaching the big 4 0 I don't wish it wasn't here.

I wish I could sit here and write some sort of wise advice on the eve of my 40th birthday but all I can say is, enjoy life, and your loved ones because you really never know what is round the corner, and everything happens for a reason, I have no idea what the reason is that I have this horrendous illness but I'm sure there is one, I do believe in fate and although I have been through some very horrible times, I am still here to tell the tale or write this blog post as the case may be and my 40th birthday is something that I have often worried I wouldn't see, so be grateful for your life, it may not be the best life or the one you wanted but it's a life and I know tomorrow will be amazing, my lovely children and Simon have been whispering and huddling round laptops for weeks now so I am sure I am going to have the best day ever and then on Friday I will have a fantastic time with the ones I love all under one roof, and then on Saturday I will go back to being me, Zoe the 40 year old who has a terminal illness, who is housebound and bored and frustrated because I have always been fiercely independent but I will be here, able to cuddle my lovely girls and Simon and able to laugh and enjoy my family, and my friends will still visit all the time so yes I have a horrible illness but I also have the best family and friends anyone could wish for and for that I will always be grateful, I am very lucky indeed.

I will come back after the weekend and let you all know what happened on my birthday and how my party was, I have been asked by my Youtube subscribers to film my outfit on Friday night and also film a 'what I got for my birthday' video and also a video all about my birthday and my party, so I am sure somewhere in all that you will get to know the sort of day and party I had.

Tomorrow is not only my 40th birthday it is Valentines day, I have never really celebrated Valentines day because of my birthday being the same day, Simon and I send each other a card and I have bought him a little something, which I can't put on here just in case he reads it, but we don't go over the top and spend a fortune on each other, and since we have the girls we don't go on romantic getaways etc we are quite happy to get a takeaway and spend time with the girls, is that sad?

If you too are a Valentines baby, Happy Birthday for tomorrow and if not Happy Valentines day to you all, I hope you all have a lovely day whatever your doing.

Do you celebrate Valentines day? Do you or did you dread being 20,30,40,50? And do you believe that life begins at 40?

Thank you for reading, Much love as always

Zoe xxx

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