The Hidden Harm in ‘Funny’ Christmas Jumpers

Welcome back 

Today’s post is a little different, but it’s about something I’m incredibly passionate about. If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you’ll know that I’m a strong advocate for eating disorder awareness and mental health. The reason for this is deeply personal — my eldest daughter has been suffering from Anorexia Nervosa for the last 21 years. Even after all that time, there still isn’t anywhere near enough awareness surrounding eating disorders, particularly anorexia. Considering it’s the biggest killer of all mental health conditions, that’s just not good enough.

Christmas can be a very difficult time for those suffering from or recovering from an eating disorder. Recently, I saw something that honestly left me stunned, especially in 2025. It was a Christmas jumper on the Next website. I love Next as a brand, and it’s one of my favourite places to shop for clothing, shoes, and homeware, so I was genuinely shocked to see this jumper being sold on their website.

This is the jumper in question:

I am absolutely appalled that this is on sale, not only in Next, a reputable clothing store, but at all, in 2025. Why do we need diet culture rammed down our throats any more than it already is? January is already a minefield of “new year, new you” messaging, but I haven’t seen anything like this before Christmas for quite some time, and certainly not from a brand like Next.

The wording on the jumper is outdated and dangerous. Young children seeing it and asking what it means could lead to unnecessary and potentially harmful conversations. I’ve spoken before about how we talk around children, saying things like “No thank you, I’m being good” when offered cake. Being good? As opposed to what, being bad for eating a piece of cake? Children absorb everything, and this kind of language can plant unhealthy ideas about food and self-worth, especially if they’re already predisposed to mental health struggles.

A slogan implying “eat whatever you want, because it’s Christmas” might sound light-hearted to some, but it’s equally damaging. Because the moment Christmas Day ends, the messaging flips, suddenly we’re told to lose weight, get “summer body ready,” and join slimming clubs. Diet culture goes into overdrive on Boxing Day, and every TV advert seems to be about dieting, “healthy” food ranges, or gym gear.

It’s not just Next, either. Marks & Spencer is just as bad with their food adverts. One minute, it’s all “indulge” and “treat yourself” and we all know the slogan, “It’s not just any Yule Log…” and then, come Boxing Day, it’s all about the M&S “healthy” range. I understand that diet culture is a multi-million-pound industry, but I wish these companies would take a moment to consider the impact this has on people who find this time of year incredibly difficult.

And to release jumpers with slogans like this in October, meaning they’ll be on display for months, just makes it worse.

If the CEO of Next had a child suffering from an eating disorder, would they still think this jumper was acceptable? I doubt it. I’m not saying people shouldn’t buy it or wear it,  that’s a personal choice. But please, think about how it might come across to others. And if you hear someone say it’s funny or harmless, try to gently educate them about the dangers of eating disorders.

I’m not trying to dampen anyone’s Christmas spirit, I absolutely love Christmas. But I also love my daughter, and watching your child suffer at the hands of anorexia is absolutely devastating. It’s something I wouldn’t wish on anyone, and as long as I have breath in my body, I’ll never stop trying to raise awareness of eating disorders and the damage caused by careless messaging like this.

I hope my post today has come across as I wanted it to, not preachy or miserable, just a mum who's trying her best to educate and raise awareness of a condition that, when my daughter began suffering with, I had no idea what to do or where to turn, there wasn't any information out there for me to get advice. This is one of the reasons I do what I do, because if I can help one mum or dad, friend or other family member from feeling as desperate as I did, well, it's all been worth it. 

Thank you for reading, 

Zoë x

Scales Are for Fish: How Diet Culture Preys on Us Every January

Welcome back and Happy New Year 

Today's post is all about diet culture, this is something I am very passionate about, I hope you enjoy the post and find it insightful. 

It's the start of a new year, the 6th of January as I start to write this, and as we are every year since goodness knows when, we are being inundated with posts on social media, magazine articles and television show segments and ads all about "New Year, New Me" and " How To Get A Bikini Body"  and other such things all surrounding losing weight and how we should all be de toxing after our festive indulgence. 

Before Christmas:

From around late summer, the supermarkets begin to fill their shelves with all sorts of festive products and in particular festive food, whilst we were on holiday in Greece in August 2024, someone I know uploaded a photograph to social media of mince pies they'd seen in Asda, in August!  

Then the TV ads begin and on daytime TV theres cookery segments sharing how to make different festive delights, the supermarket shelves soon fill up with more and more festive food and we are being shown TV shows comparing budget supermarket food versus higher end, for example the party food sold in Aldi compared to that sold in Ocado or M&S and guests trying the items and giving their opinions, basicially food is EVERYWHERE! 

Not only is food everywhere, we're being told how lovely these things are and how we should be "indulging" how we should grab certain offers and try the new XYZ flavour puddings, pies and party foods and before we know it, it's only October and we're having festive foods rammed down our throats on what feels like an hourly basis. 

We are inundated with food suggestions from supermarkets for weeks before Christmas, the photo above is just a handful of ads I found online out of hundreds. It's not just supermarkets who ram the lovely food we need to be consuming down our throats though, coffee shops bring out their festive food and drinks menu, and even McDonalds have a festive menu, then theres the "which festive sandwich is best" segment on daytime TV sharing all the different ones available from various stores, so it really is everywhere. 

January 1st:

Before we've had chance to let our Christmas lunch go down, it starts, quite a lot before the new year, but then January comes round and it's like someone pressed the diet culture button and it's everywhere. TV adverts, Slimming World info posted through the door, gym membership discounts, countless segments on daytime TV about diets, weightloss, "good and bad" foods, people we know talking about how they're "being good" now or "making up for" what they've had over the festive period. 

Not only is all this eye rolling, it's dangerous, diet culture is dangerous for everyone, but especially those who suffer with eating disorders. 

For example, someone who has been brave enough to be in recovery from Anorexia, will see these things and if they've managed to eat a little more over Christmas and they see a TV ad about "good and bad" foods or "being good" this is like someone shouting at them "you're so fat, you ate a pig in blanket on Christmas day and now you'll put so much weight on and look hideous and everyone will despise you" it is so dangerous and also extremely upsetting for someone with Anorexia who managed to have some food over the festivities that they wouldn't usually eat. 

There are so many different diets out there, from clubs like Slimming World and Weightwatchers and then there's juice diets, milk shakes, soups, even tablets you can take. But the key thing to remember is, if diets worked you'd only need to do them once. 

Diet Culture:  

What is diet culture?

Diet culture is a societal system of beliefs and practices that places a high value on being thin, equating it with health, beauty, and moral virtue. It promotes the idea that weight loss is the ultimate goal and that being thin will lead to happiness, success, and worthiness. Diet culture influences how people think about food, exercise, and their bodies, often leading to extremely harmful effects.

Diet culture is full of misleading messages that can be harmful. Here are some common "lies" it promotes:

1. Thinness Equals Health.

   • Diet culture equates being thin with being healthy, ignoring that health comes in many shapes and sizes. This thought process dismisses the importance of mental health, genetics, and lifestyle factors.

2. You Must Lose Weight to Be Happy.

   • It suggests that losing weight is the key to confidence, success, and happiness, promoting the belief that your worth is tied to your body size.

3. There’s a “Perfect” Diet.

   • Promises of one-size-fits-all diets that work for everyone ignore the complexity of individual nutritional needs and preferences.

4. Weight Loss Is Always a Good Thing.

   • Celebrating weight loss, regardless of the method or circumstances (e.g., illness, stress, disordered eating), reinforces harmful behaviors and ignores the risks.

5. Certain Foods Are “Bad”

   • Labeling foods as “good” or “bad” creates guilt and shame around eating, contributing to unhealthy relationships with food.

6. Fad Diets Are the Answer.

   • Quick fixes like juice cleanses, detox teas, milk shakes or restrictive plans often fail long-term and can harm physical and mental health.

7. You Can Control Your Body Size Completely.

   • While lifestyle choices influence weight to some extent, genetics, hormones, and other factors play significant roles that aren’t within personal control.

8. Dieting Is Willpower.

   • Failing at diets is often blamed on lack of willpower, but diets are designed to fail—95% of people regain the weight. This then leads to feelings of guilt and shame.

9. Exercise Is Only for Weight Loss.

   • Exercise is valuable for mental health, strength, and well-being, but diet culture often reduces it to a punishment for eating, people feel they must swim 100 lengths or go to a spin class  because they ate a Jaffa Cake!

10. New Year, New You.

    • The idea that January means we need a drastic change, it implies that you’re not good enough as you are, you need to look better, be better, doing nothing but preying on your insecurities.

Diet Culture uses lies to profit from peoples insecurities and feelings of needing to change themselves, I have spoken about diet culture on my SOCIAL MEDIA platforms many times and I will always challenge these lies and try my best to help people with their attitudes towards their bodies and how they see themselves. 

How Diet Culture Manifests:

Media: 

TV advertising, magazines and social media very often promote diets and diet products, they promote and glorify thin bodies. 

The Workplace & Society: 

Often in the workplace we'll here people speak about their new diet or how they're "trying to be good" we hear chats about weight loss, how much people weigh and how many pounds they want to lose before their holidays, these types of conversations have become the norm amongst people without them realising how dangerous it can be. 

Healthcare Professionals:

BMI is still being used as a the sole indicator of what deems a "healthy weight" and it drives me mad. BMI is a waste of time completely, as a youngster I did a lot of sport, I was toned and to look at me, I looked underweight, I wore jeans in a 24W/30L but if I'd have had my BMI calculated, I'd have been overweight, I was very muscular and that combined with my genetics, my family tend to weigh heavy for some reason, I would have been told I was overweight. BMI is so outdated it's ridiculous and it really should not be used in 2025, there is a better way of working out if someone is overweight or underweight,  it's called our eyes, can't a healthcare proffesional see if a person is dangerously underweight? Why does an outdated BMI calculator need to tell them? 

Celebrating Weight Loss: 

Another thing that drives me mad, why is it that as soon as someone can see you have lost weight they say "oooh you've lost weight, well done" well done? What is it the person has done so well? We lose weight for so many reasons including health issues, grief, break ups, stress, medication and so many more things other than being on a diet. Yet, nobody considers this, in 2022/23 I went through what I can only describe as being absolute hell on earth, it was the hardest, most upsetting and worrying time of my life and I lost quite a lot of weight, someone I know told me how wonderful I looked and asked me how I'd done it, there wasn't an ounce of thought that I might NOT have tried to lose weight, especially as the person in question knows my daughter suffers from Anorexia and should know I wouldn't ever be on a diet. They just congratulated me on losing weight, if I hadn't made her feel bad, I would have told her exactly how I'd lost the weight. 

The Harming Effects Of Diet Culture:

Mental Health: 

Diet Culture can have a devastating effect on mental health, it can lead to anxiety, depression and is extremely dangerous for those suffering from an eating disorder. Although diet culture wouldn't be the sole cause of an eating disorder, it doesn't help and could 100% be a contributing factor, especially if someone is pre disposed to eating disorders already. 

Physical Health:

Over exercising and restring your food intake can be very detrimental to your health, going to a gym and using equiptment you have no knowledge of using, or doing a fitness class without knowing the correct way to lie or sit etc, could cause you to injure yourself. Calorie restriction is dangerous and can have a harmful effect on the body. 

Unsustainable Habits:

Diets failing can lead to yo yo dieting, metabolic damage and feelings of frustration because the diet or exercise plan you maybe following aren't sustainable long term. 

Low Self Esteem:

The whole new year new me thing can leave us feeling we need to change ourselves, feeling not good enough, not worthy of being happy. It's like having a devil on your shoulder telling you you're not loveable, not attractive, not worthy and it's the reason so many people try fad diet after fad diet and end up in the diet cycle and very unhappy. 

Another thing I saw recently was an ad for a Zumba class with the wording "burn 1000 calories in one session" how stupid is that? This person takes people from age 10 too, how damaging for so many reasons and ridiculous! 

How Can We Challenge Diet Culture:

"New Year, Same Me"

You do you and if you want to lose weight go for it, but please ask yourself first, why it is you want to lose weight, is it for health reasons? Do you need to lose weight before having surgery? Or is it because you have feelings of low self esteem and self worth and you're fitting in with society's idea of how you should look in your bikini on holiday? If you're going to spend every day thinking about food and what meals and snacks you can have that day before you've got out of bed or feeling hungry and trying to ignore it, over exercising,  because this can lead to dangerous habits, including calorie restriction and is it really worth it? A bikini body is no good if you're so ill you can no longer go on holiday to wear the bikini.  

Speak out to others about the dangers of diet culture, I'm not saying ram it down peoples throats, but if you can see an unhealthy pattern emerging with one of your friends or family, maybe bring it up in a sensitive way, how many people have you heard say or seen write on social media that they're "going back to Slimming World?" as I said earlier in the post, if diets worked, you'd only need to do them once and there wouldn't be a need to go back, but then the diet industry doesn't make it's money does it?

I wish more people would stop giving their hard earned money to diet culture, stop letting scales define you, they are as useless as BMI, if you stand on them in 4 differnt areas of your house, you will get 4 completley different readings, absolutely pointless! As I always say, scales are for fish and fish only, if you own some weighing scales, bin them! 

Your body does amazing things, it takes you where you need to be, it takes you to work, to socialise, on holiday, it looks after you, for some people it's grown babies, for others they've donated blood and platelets, or maybe an organ for a loved one, your body is amazing, and it tells a story of your life and everything you've been through, try to love it and not speak badly of it, calling it fat or ugly, speak kindly of it, it's the vessel that enables you to do all the things you love. 

I know it can be hard, but try to love yourself, even if it's finding one thing you love about yourself, or stopping putting yourself down, your friends and family love you and think you're great, would they love you more if you were smaller? No they wouldn't, so many of us have said in the past that we'll do XYZ when we're thinner, why? If you want to do something do it, have a new hair restyle, try new makeup or step out of your comfort zone and try new fashions, but most of all, be happy and be kind to yourself. 

You are not defined by the number on a scale, and if you get that urge to weigh yourself just remember SCALES ARE FOR FISH 🐠   

And finally, whilst searching for the food images for this post, I found something I thought might be interesting to share in this post. 

Photo found on google but is tagged the fitness chef. 

Thank you for reading, 

Zoë x

Eating Disorders Awareness Week (EDAW) 2022 - Our GP Experience - TRIGGER WARNING

 TRIGGER WARNING 

POST CONTAINS INFORMATION OF EATING DISORDERS & TREATMENT

Welcome back...

I have a very personal post for you today and one that is very hard for me to post, this week 28th February to 6th March 2022 is Eating Disorders Awareness Week 2022 or EDAW 2022. I do always try to post during EDAW to try and raise some awareness of Anorexia and Eating Disorders as they are very close to my heart and also I know first-hand that awareness is so desperately needed. 

Most of you will already know, but for those of you who are new to my blog and may not know, my eldest daughter Cole (Nichole) suffers from Anorexia, and she has done for almost 18 years, in August this year it will be 18 years, not an anniversary I care to be reminded of or one I can never forget. 

Each year EDAW covers a certain subject and this year the eating disorders charity Beat are campaigning for UK medical schools to implement comprehensive training on eating disorders. They want their supporters to share their experience of seeing a GP about eating disorders and they also have an open letter for people to sign in support of them. I will link that later if it's something you're interested in signing. 

A few weeks ago, I asked on my Instagram stories how much training my followers thought a GP had on eating disorders during their entire medical degree which is approximately 5 years. I screenshot some of the answers I got so I could include them in my post today. 

Would you be surprised to learn that in 5 years, a GP has less than 2 hours of training on eating disorders and 1 in 5 medical schools in the UK don't cover the subject at all? 

It is absolutely appalling and not the fault of the GP, I am not berating them at all. What hope can any sufferer or parent, carer, friend etc have in finding out how best to help their loved one when visiting their GP which is usually the first port of call, when they have next to nothing training on the subject? It must be frustrating for all concerned. 

Since this year for EDAW Beat want us to share our experience with GP appointments for Anorexia, I am going to share our story/stories and how we got on. 

Our First GP Appointment

The first time I took Cole to the GP Cole had already been suffering from Anorexia for a long time, she wouldn't ever go to the GP, I tried and tried but she refused. When I finally got her there he told me Cole was Anorexic (no sh*t Sherlock) and referred her to CAMHS (child and adolescent mental health service) I thought this was the answer to all my prayers, I thought that CAMHS would be a wonderful department who knew all about eating disorders and would cure my daughter, I thought I finally had light at the end of a very long and dark tunnel.

How wrong I was, CAMHS was a complete waste of time, they didn't have specialist eating disorder experience, and Cole saw around 3 different people, all of who were only concerned with what she ate, or rather didn't eat. One lady actually told us to get Cole a pet, we had a dog but she said to get something small that she could sit and pet after meals to take her mind off food and eating so we got 2 house rabbits. To cut a very long story short, our rabbits lived 11 years and Cole is 31 in July and still Anorexic, great advice wasn't it? But as parents, myself and Simon (Coles dad) would have done anything if we thought it would make her better.

Fast forward a couple more years, Cole had been through CAMHS without success and also been an outpatient at a young person's psychiatric hospital in Manchester, this was also a waste of time, this was a unit where they had both inpatient and outpatients and all were children aged from around 8 to 17 who suffered from serious mental health issues, it wasn't the right place for Cole at all, all they did was show her rooms and say "if you don't eat you'll end up in one of these away from your mum and dad and your sister" helpful, not!! They also accused her of all sorts of stereotypical anorexic behaviour which for triggering purposes I won't go into, and they strip-searched her numerous times without my knowledge. Cole hadn't done any of the things she was accused of, Cole has Aspergers Syndrome and can't lie, I repeatedly told them this but they didn't listen. After a huge formal complaint, Cole didn't go back there. 

I took Cole back to the GP, she was around 16 at this point, it was a waste of time, the GP ( a different one from the 1st one) told us that Cole was now classed as an adult in the eyes of the NHS and that there wasn't (and still isn't) any NHS help for eating disorders in our area, and not just our area, the whole of the North West of England. And that was that she just dismissed us like rubbish, I cried and said what was I supposed to do and she shrugged her shoulders! 

When we got home I began googling how to get help and private health care, we couldn't take out private health care for Cole because she already had the diagnosis of Anorexia a pre-existing condition. So I googled some more and then found that if I got an appointment with a private EDU (eating disorders unit) I could apply for funding from the PCT, I spoke to someone at the private EDU and said we were looking into remortgaging our house to pay for Coles care, we had an appointment a week later. They advised me against doing that and told me to push for the funding, they said if we remortgaged and paid for the care, the NHS would see it as us "going in the back door" and we wouldn't get NHS help if any were to become available. 

So once again, I took Cole to the GP, she was new and had only been at the practice a number of weeks, my mum came with us for moral support, I explained that we needed a referral to the private EDU so we could apply for funding for treatment. And I nearly fell off my chair when she said "that's fine, who do I refer her to?" I explained and that was that the ball was rolling, finally after over 3 years.  

So now we had the referral,  we applied for funding, we were rejected over and over until the last time we applied. I rang the department for what felt like the millionth time and I spoke to a lady and basically pleaded with her to help us, she had a very young daughter and I asked how would she feel if in years to come she was me and her daughter's life was in someone else's hands? Not long later, we found out we had the funding. 

Cole did go through private care for her Anorexia but sadly it didn't help at all, the treatment is always about upping calories, putting weight on, weekly weigh-ins, blood tests, mixing with other girls and boys with eating disorders and learned behaviour. After over a year of treatment, Cole was told she was being sectioned under the mental health act and she was given a month to live, she was 17 years old, Simon and I were absolutely terrified, I can't put into words how horrific it was. Because of Coles Aspergers the Dr at the private EDU decided being an inpatient would do her more harm than good, and sectioning her wasn't right, he thought she would pick up too much learned behaviour from the other patients, so he decided she should do "inpatient at home" she had to stay in the house 24/7 and could only go out for 20 minutes to the supermarket to choose foods once a week if driven there and back. She was unable to go to school, she was in the lower sixth form at school and studying for her A-levels, and had only been there a month. I bought books and used her textbooks and taught her myself, I hadn't ever done any homeschooling and had no experience at all. 

Cole hated being at home all the time and she missed out on so much, I was glad she wasn't an inpatient but it was extremely hard too. Cole did do well and eventually, when she was around 19 she was at a healthy weight, if still very underweight for her height. Sadly I soon recognised the behaviour in Cole to suggest she was struggling again, and unfortunately, it wasn't long before she was back at square one. 

Once Cole turned 18, I could no longer take her to the GP,  or ask for referrals, as an adult, it is up to her to ask, it wasn't and still isn't up to me. Since then she hasn't had any treatment for her Anorexia, she doesn't want to get better, it kills me every day, people often say "can't she see what it does to you?" of course she can, but the eating disorder is much stronger than she is, I have spoken about the Anorexic voice previously and it is just too strong. 

One other thing about GP appointments which does happen to lots of people and not just people with eating disorders, every single thing Cole has a GP appointment for, they blame her Anorexia, every single thing, it is infuriating and doesn't help Cole have any faith at all in the GP's. We did have one GP for a few months who was incredible, her mum had suffered from Anorexia for all of the doctor's life and she knew so much about it but she left after a short few months, it was such a shame as she was brilliant and understood. 

So as you can see, our GP experiences haven't been great but with less than 2 hours of training, I'm not really surprised. I think more training is definitely needed, training on the anorexic voice for one would be useful, knowing that a person's weight doesn't define an eating disorder, you don't have to be emaciated to be Anorexic. BMI needs scrapping, the need to know that there isn't always a reason for an eating disorder, some people are predisposed to mental health issues, especially if their family members have mental health issues, I was told Cole was always going to be Anorexic, she was predisposed to it, there isn't always a reason, sometimes it is control, but not always.  I wish I could write what I think would help for GP's in training but I'm pretty sure nobody would listen to me. 

If you would like to sign the open letter from Beat to campaign for more training for GPs, you can sign that HERE. 

This post is already super long and is about the GP training and our experiences of GP appointments with Anorexia so I don't want to divulge too much about other things, but I feel like I have so much more to say so I think it's best if I write another post about how I realised Cole was Anorexic, signs to look for, myths, the voice and Henry, how to get help for an eating disorder and other things, that may help someone. 

I will post that post in the next couple of days. 

Below are several websites and helpline numbers for those who may need them. 

I hope this post has helped Beat with the theme for this year's EDAW and I hope it's helped you understand some of our story of how we are living with our child having an eating disorder.

See you next time, thank you for reading

Zoë x

If you or anyone you know may need to contact someone about eating disorders, you can use any of these:

   Anorexia and Bulimia Care (ABC)

03000 11 12 13

anorexiabulimiacare.org.uk

Advice and support for anyone affected by eating problems.

Association for Family Therapy and Systemic Practice (AFT)

aft.org.uk 

Information about family therapy, including a directory of therapists.

Beat

0808 801 0677 (adult helpline)

0808 801 0711 (youthline)

0808 801 0811 (studentline)

beateatingdisorders.org.uk

Offers information and advice on eating disorders, and runs a supportive online community. 

Also provides a directory of support services at HelpFinder.

British Association for Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapies (BABCP)

babcp.com

Information about cognitive behavioural therapy and related treatments, 

including details of accredited therapists.

British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP)

bacp.co.uk

Professional body for talking therapy and counselling. 

Provides information and a list of accredited therapists.

National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE)

nice.org.uk

Produces guidelines on best practice in healthcare.

Overeaters Anonymous Great Britain

oagb.org.uk

Local support groups for people with eating problems.

Papyrus HOPELINEUK

0800 068 41 41

07860 039967 (text)

pat@papyrus-uk.org

papyrus-uk.org

Confidential support for under-35s at risk of suicide and others who are concerned about them. 

Open daily from 9am–midnight.

Samaritans

116 123 (freephone)

jo@samaritans.org

Freepost SAMARITANS LETTERS

samaritans.org

Samaritans are open 24/7 for anyone who needs to talk. 

You can visit some Samaritans branches in person. 

Samaritans also have a Welsh Language Line on 0808 164 0123 (7pm–11pm every day).

Student Minds

studentminds.org.uk

Mental health charity that supports students.

Tommy's

tommys.org

Information and support for people affected by stillbirth, miscarriage and premature birth.

YoungMinds

0808 802 5544 (Parents Helpline)

85258 (Crisis Messenger for young people – text the letters YM)

youngminds.org.uk

Committed to improving the mental health of babies, children and young people, including support

for parents and carers.

Anorexia, And What Nobody Ever Tells You

TRIGGER WARNING

This post contains information about anorexia & other eating disorders 

& some images that could be frightening & EXTREMELY triggering for some. 

 A bit of background...

This week, 1st - 7th March has been EDAW or Eating Disorders Awareness Week, during EDAW I like to try and raise some kind of awareness of eating disorders, for friends and loved ones of sufferers and also sufferers too. 

I do this because my eldest daughter Nichole, or Cole as we call her, has suffered from anorexia for 17 years this year, and when I first had concerns about Cole, I hit a brick wall when I tried to find out information about anorexia when I was absolutely terrified and didn't know where to go to seek help, it was extremely difficult, and had I had some info/guidance, I feel that,  although it would still have been very hard, it might have made things a little easier to be armed with some knowledge.  

I promised Cole and myself after not being able to access any information when I needed it most, I would always try and help to raise awareness in any way I can. Over the years I have volunteered on telephone helplines, email and forum type helplines, and the last few years I have written blog posts (you can find them here) and used my social media accounts to try and raise awareness and help others who may be in that frightened, desperate place I was in in 2004. 

Before I begin, I would like to point out that I am not a professional. Also, the things I experienced and things Cole did/does and my advice is based purely on our own personal experience of anorexia as a family. 

Right, let's get on with it!

This is going to be a very long post, apologies in advance. 

Over the last few years, I have written blog posts about various different topics surrounding eating disorders and primarily anorexia, as that is what I have the most knowledge and experience of. In today's blog post, I am going to chat to you about Cole, about awareness and some research I have carried out for this post, and other things that may be helpful to know, and I am also going to chat to you about what I find is one of the least spoken about side effects of anorexia, but what myself and Cole think is one of the most frightening ones for the sufferer and their loved ones. 

First things first, let me introduce you, if you're new around here, I'm Zoë and this beautiful young lady to my right as you look at the photograph, is my gorgeous little girl Cole. I also have a stunning younger daughter too, I'm a lucky mamma.

As I mentioned earlier, in 2004 there really wasn't any information out there when I was lying awake at night worrying about my little girl. Unfortunately, although there is more info out there now thanks to the internet, there still isn't enough awareness of eating disorders in the media, yes you can google facts and figures but there isn't anything from a personal perspective, raw emotion, no examples of what to look for, and if there are interviews with sufferers or loved ones, it's all edited and changed into sensationalised bullshit to get more readers or if it's a TV interview they just want numbers and weight loss photographs, they don't ask about signs and symptoms that nobody talks about and that may be scary for a sufferer or carer/parent, anorexia isn't a transformation Tuesday, it's a mental illness that kills more people than any other psychiatric illness and it needs to be treated as such. 

A bit of personal research

Four years ago, I did some research for EDAW and asked my social media followers and friends and my family members who had no prior knowledge of anorexia, what they thought it was and what the side effects and symptoms of it were, how a sufferer might get treatment. The results were all pretty much the same.  I decided that this year I would do the same thing and ask the same questions to friends/family and social media followers, and this time Cole asked her Instagram followers too. I wanted to see what results I got four years later since we're constantly being told so much more money has been put into eating disorders help and awareness. 

And guess what? The answers were pretty much the same, four years later and there really wasn't much difference at all, which shows to me that there really isn't much more awareness, I have no idea why this is but it saddens me a lot. 

Signs & Symptoms

I have spoken about this before, but just in case you are reading this and like I was all those years ago, frightened and worried sick about someone you love, I will share with you the things I first noticed with Cole and some other things you might notice happening too.

• Snacks lasting longer after doing our grocery shopping.
• Food packet reading, checking calories/fat.
• Comparing to others, especially celebrities & asking "am I as big as them?". 
• Not wanting to wear certain clothes.
• Spending more time than usual in their room.
• Exercising or exercising more. 
• Not really interested in things they usually would be. 
• Saying things like "I'm so fat" "look at my legs, they're so big" 
• Mood changes, being irritable.
• Weightloss, although not everyone with anorexia is thin. 
• Using household scales a lot to weigh themselves - my advice would be to bin the scales if you have them, they aren't accurate, if you weighed yourself in every room in your house, you'd be a different weight in each room. Scales are for fish 🐟 end of.

These things are things I noticed in the early days before a diagnosis, after a while things changed up a bit and some other things I noticed both before and after diagnosis was.

• More extreme weightloss.
• Fine hair growing on the body, this is called Lanugo.
• Always cold.
• More moody especially around mealtimes.
• Periods stop.
• Hair loss.
• Dry skin.
• Looking pale, tired, unwell. 
• Dizzy, fainting episodes. 
• Becoming anaemic.
• Recurrent kidney infections. 
• Low immune system.

A side effect nobody EVER speaks about  & Meeting Henry. 

The anorexic voice.  

One of the symptoms of anorexia I had absolutely no idea about was the "anorexic voice" this is something I have NEVER seen spoken about anywhere, in magazines, television interviews, soap operas or fictional books. I haven't ever seen it mentioned anywhere and even now in 2021, it isn't mentioned on the NHS website.  

The anorexic voice is a voice a sufferer hears, it is an inner bully, a demon that is controlling, nagging, nasty, hateful, it is something that is there 24/7 and sometimes even in a sufferer's dreams. The voice can be the sufferer's voice, or it can be another voice, some people will also see their anorexic voice, I once read a book about anorexia and a girl in the book described her voice as a green scaly monster with a big beak. The voice is a bully, and very controlling, it will tell the person they are worthless, fat, ugly, useless, they have no friends, everyone hates them, it is all-consuming and something you wouldn't want for 10 seconds, never mind years and years. The voice gets worse as a person loses more weight, the more poorly they become, the louder the voice will shout. 

Meet Henry.

Coles anorexic voice has a male voice, she calls it Henry, Cole is one of the sufferers who see her anorexic voice. When asked to describe him, Cole describes Henry as very tall, around 7 feet tall, he is black in colour with fur all over him, he has spiky hair, red demonic eyes and sharp yellow teeth, Cole says they are like teeth of a monster. Sounds horrific, doesn't it? My little girl actually sees that and because I didn't know anything about the anorexic voice and neither did she, it was a very frightening experience when he first arrived at our house. 

The first time Henry was mentioned was before Cole had been diagnosed with anorexia or even been to see a doctor, she wouldn't go to the doctors, I battled for over 18 months but she just would not go, and people said "I'd make her go" really? And how do you suggest I do that? The first time Cole told me about Henry was after a routine hospital appointment for her kidney condition, her consultant had noticed her weight loss and spoke to her a little bit about it.  

We got home from the hospital, Cole burst into floods of tears, she buried her head into me and just sobbed, I cuddled her and then when she calmed down she told me she could see this "horrible man" she said he was a man but a monster too and he talked to her, he'd tell her "just lose one more pound, one more and I'll leave you alone" and he'd tell her he was her best friend and her only friend. He'd say that Simon (Coles dad) and I were putting things into her food, especially Simon as he does all the cooking, he would say we were liars, we didn't love her and he'd sit on her bedroom furniture and say "nobody likes you, your fat and ugly" in a nasty sing-song way. I was absolutely horrified, I stayed calm for Cole's sake but inside I was terrified, my daughter could see a monster that spoke to her 24/7, I didn't know what to say or do, I was frightened, for Cole and because I had no idea what it was and why it was happening. 

For the purpose of my blog post today, Cole has drawn a picture of Henry, just his head,  so you can see what she does. I have to warn you, it isn't nice and may be upsetting to look at, so you may want to scroll down a bit, but if not, this is Henry. 

Isn't he vile? It isn't a shock for me to see him anymore as Cole has had to draw him quite a few times over the years for medical professionals, but I can imagine it will be quite a shock for you. I do still cry when I see Henry, and I write this with tears streaming down my face, I have never hated anything as much as I hate him, he is like a vile houseguest you wish hadn't visited and you can't get rid of. 

Henry is still very prominent in Cole's head, sometimes he will be worse than others, but he's still there, in my beautiful little girls head and it absolutely destroys me every single day. Sometimes he's right in front of her, and sometimes she can see him out of the corner of her eye, she won't look cause she knows he's there. 

Once I knew of Henry, I soon realised when he was around, especially at mealtimes, but most of the time too, Coles mood changes when he's around, and I don't detrimentally mean this at all, but she can be really nasty when he's around and I soon learnt whether it was Cole or Henry I was speaking to. It got to the point where I'd say "I'm not discussing this right now, cause this is Henry talk, not Cole" because it was him, he would be constant noise, going on and on and on in her head and she would then project that towards me and her dad. 

I have no idea why the anorexic voice isn't spoken about more, but Cole and I both feel there needs to be awareness of it, it's a really scary side effect and needs to be out there, people need to know about it if you knew about it and your child came to you and you knew or were worried they may have anorexia if there was more awareness, it wouldn't be as harrowing, yes it's always going to be soul-destroying but knowing it's a side effect of the illness might help, even a little bit. 

After opening up to me about the voice and monster she could see, Cole agreed to see our GP. I don't know why he's called Henry, lots of people ask us, he's just Henry, I asked her if she wanted to give it a name and that's the first thing she came up with. 

A few days after me finding out about Henry, Cole went to the GP and of course, he diagnosed anorexia and referred her to CAMHS (child and adolescent mental health services) I remember thinking that that was it, we'd get the appointment for camhs and within a few weeks/months everything would be alright, Henry would be gone and my beautiful baby girl would be better and free of the demons she fought daily. I feel it is important for me to mention that the GP didn't know anything about the voice. 

I won't speak about Coles camhs and child mental health services experience as I have spoken about it in previous posts, but it wasn't helpful, not at all, saying that no "treatment" has ever been effective for Cole, I think it's something that needs a really good shakeup, but that's a whole other story and something I think is for another day. 

Things not to say & things that don't help.

When someone is suffering from an eating disorder or in recovery from one, some things just aren't helpful to say and things in everyday life that don't help at all, I thought it might be useful to know of a few, I have addressed this in previous posts but in case this is the first post of mine you have read on the subject and you're worried about someone, I'll touch on it today. 

• Don't ever mention the persons eating disorder at mealtimes or around the table.
• Don't be patronising "you're so good eating that".
• Try not to be manipulated, sufferers are very good at it, if you have a meal plan, stick to it. 
• Don't say "you look well" or "you look so much better" to someone in recovery, they will hear "you look fat" just don't mention it, even if you think it. 
• Don't mention how thin someone is, and warn others to do the same, people have a habit of bringing up how thin Cole is and how she needs to eat some pies, it's not helpful, we know it's from a perspective of love, but it just annoys them and makes things worse.
• Don't ask what someone weighs.
• Don't ask how much someone eats.
• Don't use words like "naughty" "cheeky" "bad" "cheat day" around them, you are not naughty for having a piece of cake, you're having a piece of cake, it's perfectly normal. 
• Don't ask about their anorexia unless they choose to speak about it, so many people ask Cole things, we understand it's quite rare to meet someone with anorexia but it doesn't mean it's an episode of Piers Morgans life stories.
• If the person opens up, listen, hug them and if you don't know what to say, then tell them, it's better to say nothing than the wrong thing. 
• You're going to die, they honestly don't care, dying is better than being fat. 
• Look what you're doing to your mum/dad/boyfriend/girlfriend/grandparents, they know, they see your tears, your frustrations, but the anorexia is much stronger than them, guilt-tripping them won't make them suddenly want to recover. 
• You won't be able to do XYZ, again, they don't care, well they do, but not as much as they don't want to recover. 

An example of not saying anything about size and something that happened to Cole last year, is, in January 2020 myself, Alicia and Cole made an appointment at a bridal boutique to go wedding dress shopping for Cole. The day before the manager of the store rang me to confirm the appointment, whilst on the phone, I spoke to her about Coles anorexia and the fact she is tiny and very underweight, I said that no doubt all the dresses would be too big, and please could nobody mention her size, or ask her about the anorexia unless she brings it up, which I knew she wouldn't. The lady was very sympathetic, she made a note in the diary whilst I was on the phone so all the other staff members would see it and there wouldn't be anything said. Telling Cole she is thin/tiny feeds the anorexia, Henry loves it, he's winning, he's getting what he wants, Cole sees it as a sign to carry on restricting her food intake, it's working, she must carry on, eat less etc. 

The next day we went for the appointment, within about 10 seconds of the lady assisting Cole to undress and put the first wedding dress on, I heard "gosh aren't you tiny?" I looked at Alicia (my youngest) and we both looked at each other annoyed and in dismay because I'd asked for this not to happen. The lady continued to make remarks about Coles size the whole time we were in the shop, telling her "it's good she's so thin, she can wear anything" I wanted to say "yep like a body bag, if you keep going on" but I didn't I stayed calm and we left, but I decided I wouldn't be purchasing anything from that shop because I had specifically asked them not to mention anything, the lady who served us read the diary comments when we gave our name, I watched her do it, so there was no excuse. I also asked the manager discretely if she had passed the message on and she assured me she had. That is an example of what not to do. 

A lot of people think that magazines and seeing models cause anorexia, and whilst it doesn't help, it doesn't cause it. Anorexia is a predisposed condition and if a sufferer has a family history of mental health or eating disorders, it is more likely they will suffer too. Magazines don't help, social media doesn't help, transformation Tuesday, before and after pics, pro anorexia crap, none of it helps, but it doesn't cause someone to develop anorexia. 

Diet culture is the worst and I am going to write a separate post about it, but it is a nightmare for someone with an eating disorder, from September to December we are shown TV ads and magazine, social media stuff on all the yummy food we should be indulging in over the festive period, then on Boxing Day, its all Slimming World and WW, gym memberships, celebrity weight loss DVD's, ads for Slim Fast etc etc, it is all consuming, all across social media then a week later it's "new year, new me" and it is so triggering. 

 

Another thing that doesn't help is clothes sizing and how much it varies, most shops sizes now seem to be getting smaller and smaller, I have clothes in my wardrobe from a size 16 to a size 22 and it all fits me.  I always used to shop in Oasis and Warehouse all the time when my girls were younger, but now I can't fit into their clothes and I mean can't fit, I couldn't get a pair of their jeans past my knees. I haven't changed though, I have clothes from Oasis that fit me from years ago, but now I can't wear their items, it's madness. 

A few days ago Cole was looking for some trousers on a clothing website called Bershka, I was horrified when she told me that their size XXS was a 21/22 inch waist! A 21/22 inch waist is the average size of a 4/5 year old child, what on earth is that about? I went on the Bershka website for some research for this post and their size 12 is a 24 inch waist, the average for a size 12 waist measurement is 30 inches, can you imagine buying your usual size 12 from there? You wouldn't have a prayer in getting it on, and for someone with an ED or in recovery from one, that could be catastrophic. 

As you can see above, the Bershka sizing, XXS is 56 cm, this is 21/22 inches, below is a children's size guide from M&S, their size 56cm waist is for a 4-6 year old child, I used this as an example, some other places it was an age 3-4, but one thing for sure is, it is not adult size. And I am by no means body-shaming small build people here, I do understand that some people are very petite and that's fine if that person is healthy and that's their build. I am just explaining that when Cole saw the 22 inch waist on Bershka she automatically thought she was huge and it was extremely triggering for her, my younger daughter is a size 10 and recently bought an XL from Bershka, she sized up because the reviews said to,  and it was too small, we now know why. This needs addressing, it isn't only Bershka, I am just using them as an example, this really doesn't help at all. 

I could go on and on and I have so much more to say, but this post is already extremely long, so I'm going to wrap it up now, but I think I am going to come back with a post about diet culture, BMI and a whole host of other things I wanted to put in this post, but it's far too long already, let me know if you would like to see another post. 

I wish I could end this post with a fairytale ending about how Cole kicked Henry's butt and how she is in a better place and recovered, but unfortunately, I can't. It breaks my heart that I don't have better news but the sad truth is that she isn't well, Cole doesn't want to seek help and because she's an adult, I can't do a single thing about it. We have an agreement that if ever I think I need to, I will speak about sectioning, I will not let her die, that evil bastard Henry is not taking my little girl. But for now, she isn't good, I won't speak about sizes or numbers, but it's not good. But please if you're reading this because your son or daughter is suffering, it doesn't mean because Cole is still fighting 17 years later, your loved one will be, there are lots of people who are in recovery, maybe one day it'll be my little girl. 

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading this, I am really sorry it's so long, you didn't know you'd signed up to read War & Peace did you? All jokes aside, thank you, it means the world to me that you have read this, and I hope you have learned something you didn't already know about eating disorders, because if you have then it's been worth me speaking to my laptop, writing this until gone 5am a few nights, I have deleted bits, added bits and it's still probably just a load of waffle, but if my waffle helps just one person, then I'm happy. 

I want to share with you a makeup look that Cole has created for this post and also to share on her Instagram too, she is extremely brave to do this because she is vulnerable and it took a lot for her to do this, I am so proud of her, this is Coles interpretation of having Henry in her life, the side effect nobody talks about, let's try and change that. 

Instagram - @makeupbycole

Cole is so much more than her anorexia, she is an absolutely incredible makeup artist, she is beautiful, kind, caring, loyal, amazing at her job, she has a fabulous work ethic and so much more, we are so incredibly proud of her every single day, I will share some photos of Cole below, some from her younger years, some more recent, I love them all but one of my favourites is bottom right when she finally got to see polar bears in real life after adoring them for years and years, Cole has Aspergers Syndrome and one of her obsessions is polar bears, so this was such a special moment, just look at that smile.  

Cole, if you're reading, me and paps love you more than you'll ever know, and we are incredibly proud of you, Henry is a teeny part of your life, he isn't what makes you, you. Love you so much AOSS MTS mamma and paps xxx 

And to everyone else, thank you so so much for reading, if you've got this far, you deserve a medal, thank you, from the bottom of my heart.